at certain point of life,there is a fear of not knowing what will be ahead of you,watz gonna bcum of you. and that fear is one that i m facing.many people told their kids that somethings you will know as you grow up and i was told so too.everyday i hoped,i prayed that i will grow up and know about everything in the world.at that point of time,i thought growing up is sort of lyk a one day thing rather than a process.but now i know that it is a process of pain,hatred and learning other negative things in the world.in childhood memories,there was ony toys, tv shows and fairy tales.and now,i know that people die because of diseases,starvation and pressure.man killed man for glory,honour and fame.one day u 2 were best friends and de next day he shot you from ur back.all those seem to meant nothing to us when we were kids.
i duno whatz happening to me.therez always this bad feeling inside me that keeps telling that 2mrw is not gonna be alright.family might break up,i may fail my promo and have to pack up and gt my ass back to china,friends may juz leave me dying in ac,cant go university,cant find a job,failing in everything i do.seriously man,i am scared.everyday i lived in this fear while i pretend everything was just fine,running away from it.i never knew when and how to deal with these shit.i need someone to hold on to and lay back on.but reality made me face those fears alone.everytime i walked alone under the hot sun in the street while couples holding hands zooming merrily pass me and some 12 yr old kids kissing in the swiming pool;and those times when people beatboxing on the stage and bboying on the streets;friends who grad with top scores and getting a gd job in gre8 companies,but where the fuck am i?why the fuck am i here?itz not about not being able to get what i want, itz about how to.my life is just screwed man.world cup stil goes on though
i duno how long i can hold on man...fuck

give me the strength to carry on